I am Vilejoienfantofolisati...

A very intuitive feeling pushes me to write this post. I write it for me but also for you and all those who are on their journey to discover and free their inner artist. I write it with the wonderful students of my first mixed media online classes in mind, who helped me more than they can imagine, to become the teacher I always wanted to be.

I want to inspire and help others to unlock their unique creativity! I want to open hearts, change lives and hope that our common happiness & inspiration will make a (little) change in this world.

I am Vilejoienfantofolisati …or at least this is who I felt like on Sunday November 13th 2020! This “me-word” was created during a class I’m in to become an art teacher. The instructor guides us through exercises aiming to foster our creativity so that we are able to help others finding and developing  theirs. The lesson on Sunday 13th was: “Get to know who you are” (“connais toi toi même”).

Get to know yourself

In order to get to know ourselves we started by creating an imaginary word describing the “me”. As hard as this seemed on first sight, everything came together astonishing easy: I began with a short “brainstorming” to find words that felt best describing “me” (in the present moment). Then I aligned the first two or three letters of each found word and in less than 5 minutes I came up with: “Vilejoienfantofolisatie” which sounds quiet “me” to me.**

The second part of the exercise consisted to make a “logo” or (abstract) drawing, inspired by the created word. Again – what a minute earlier felt impossible to do just emerged. The pencil seemed to know its way and easily interweaved circles in a connected loop. The first result seemed too coordinated, to neat and clean. In a conscious decision I started filling in some shapes but the planet like forms showed up spontaneously.

The logo of Vilejoienfantofolisati

Another mindful decision was adding eyes which automatically brought me to draw a kind of critter for an extra pinch of humor. No doubt: critters seem to be(come) consistent part of my visual language.

Once done the teacher gave us another minute to to “resume” the first drawing:

Vilejoieenfantofolisati resumed

This first exercise was followed by a “mind map”- still concentrated on “ME”. It was again a very strange experience: After starting with some common generalities, my mind shifted to thoughts I hadn’t imagined they are important for me. A very odd feeling!!!

SERENDIPITY

I lived moments of amazing serendipity à “the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way”.
The first unbelievable coincidence: the teacher - by hazard - picked up a word on my mind map that was THE one that I was the most intrigued with: BALANCE

As all facets of this word echoed in me, I decided to go for it. The next exercise was to make a painting inspired by the chosen word. I spontaneously choose the Wenzhou paper I had brought with me this day (don’t ask me why, it hasn’t been on the supply list…but I had a feel it could be helpful).

Going through an intuitive creating process

Again in a very instinctively way I decided to lay the Wenzhou paper on top of my “mind map”.  The Wenzhou paper is a very strong still translucent calligraphy paper, it becomes transparent when wet (something I haven’t been really aware of before this day!!!). When I applied the first circle stroke on it, the written words beneath became clearly readable… by my own surprise I had started the painting process in the ”heart of my mind map”: exactly on the point where I had written my first words “I AM” with which I had decided to  connect with my inner me.

Lost and found in languages

Notice: I had written these words in English because there is something that intrigues me:  The initials for my artist name Ariane Mariane are AM. Therefore, instead of starting my mind map with the word “je” or “je suis” as the teacher had suggested, I went for the English words because I love the double meaning AM has for me: I may read it “I’AM “ and also “I A(riane)M(ariane)”. Next to it I had written “Ariane M Ariane”. With the intentional gap this can be read in French as “Ariane aime Ariane”. (Ariane loves Ariane). This may seem very egocentric (and it is) but for in, my healing process it’s very important (see explication below in the part about “life balance”).

The first time I became aware of the “AM” sign(ification) was several years ago while working on an self-portrait. This self-portrait has been one of the very few “just for fun” pieces I have ever made. My main intention was to “test” encaustic” (painting with wax). The moment of its creation coincides with a moment of emotional change.  I just started to emerge from a long lasting identity crises. Becoming aware that the initials of the artist name I had chosen are AM, was and still is a very important key for me. Had I unconsciously chosen this name because by transforming my hobby into my day job I had oepend a door enabling me to heal myself?

I AM Ariane M Ariane MAMA

Even so I had already been aware of the connection of AM  =  I’AM and the fact that I probably wanted to show myself love (Ariane M Ariane) I also discovered a very new thought in the mind map: MAMA (German word for mum) contains the same but inverted letters! I think, if you are a mum, too, there is no need to say that it turned my live upside down?  

When I saw all these “coincidences” happen, I got taken by a huge wave of energy pouring out of my inner palms. This energy always takes me by surprise and fulfills me with an intense well-being. It often appears when I am “in an inspired creating mood” but I also have experienced it in Yoga and Reiki sessions and it is with me right know while I write these lines... ( I wonder if this is what Dali wanted to express when he said “I don’t do drugs, I am drugs”!)

Anyhow, the rest of the painting was in a kind of trance I just did what I “had to do”: in a continuous flow, an abstract balance turned into a reversed clock.  Following a sudden impulsion I colored my left hand with blue paint and printed it next to the inverted clock-balance. I discovered - first with disappointment - that the print hadn’t worked well – the inner palm stayed white! Then I recognized with astonishment that this left-out space had the form of a heart!

A print of my left hand showed me a heart

I carry a heart in my hand

 I don’t know if this expression exist in English but “avoir son coeur sur sa main” in French, or in German “das Herz auf der Hand tragen”, is an idiomatic expression to say that someone is generous. I never would have said this about myself but I also can’t deny that it is false! I love to give. It’s much easier for me to give than to receive!

You have notice without doubt: the experience I lived this Sunday, November 13th has been like a psychotherapy. It feels like I had been in communication with myself, I feel that I can accept myself and it feels like I brought something, I had worked on for the last 12 years, to an end.  

What I’ve learnt

Meanings of balance (in my life)

1. A situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions:

After becoming a mother I had lost my balance. I put too much pressure on myself! I wanted to be THE perfect mother, wife, friend, lover and in the same time wanted to succeed in my professional life and support my family financially. Of course with all this “searching for perfection” I forgot about myself! I didn’t gave me time to do things just to make me happy, I even forgot what makes me happy, forgot my own needs and felt egotistic each time I collapsed in self-pity.

Following my creativity to find balance

One of the things I’m proud of and grateful for is that I have managed to put my inner life back into balance. The fact that my daughter is nearly a grown up probably helps! But I also know that I was able to “heal myself” because I have chooses to follow my creative calling. I became aware that by allowing me to live my creativity I was able to give more, to love more and because I’ve learned to listen to myself I became a better listener for others.

Balance…

In the painting I can clearly see the joie and positive energy I get out of my “balanced inner” but while making the mind map and the painting I also was dealing with a second signification of balance:

2. the weighing machine or an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady

I think I also send another message to myself: I have to take better care of my body. During the years the only “reward” I gave myself is sugar. I don’t have the solution yet but I’m sure by becoming aware of this, I will be able to heal also my body!

Why do I publish this very personal story? Because I feel the need, because even so it’s personal I think it has something universal and last but not least I hope to inspire you to find your happiness and healing in art!

“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life”
Pablo Picasso